SURRENDER: A SHORT STORY
Max just retired at age 66. What worried him was his fate now. Would it be the same as his next door neighbor. That man was exactly like him, a just-retired professor of thirty years. As it happened, his neighbor didn't last six months in retirement. Teaching was all he was, evidently. Take away the teaching and nothing remained. He promptly died.
No longer teaching, Max felt a vacuum in his life too. An abyss was a better word for it, something he was now dropping into in a free fall. What bothered him most about it was what was greasing the chute. It was his knowing that he had accomplished far, far more in his life than he ever believed possible, that he had an education to be envied, had all the possessions he ever wanted, had plenty of friends, had lots of romance, had all kinds of adventures all around the world; there was nothing more he could think of that he wanted to do or have. He didn't need to live any longer.
Writing a book, taking up a hobby, doing volunteer work, all these were a possibility at this point, he supposed, except that he had done them all already. There was always watching television for the rest of his life, like his parents did, but what good was this?
"Death is next for me, and the sooner the better," he waved all of a sudden. Was this his neighbor's feeling, too?
But then the question occurred to him, who exactly was it that was ready to die? Was it his egoic self perhaps? Certainly it was. And this entity, recalling his studies of eastern philosophy, was an illusion, a phantom. Was he going to pack it all in for this smoke and mirrors?
It was then that the words of spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle came to mind. Tolle was responding to a person wanting to commit suicide. Max felt like committing suicide too, if not by blowing his brains out, at least by crawling into a corner and sleeping an end to it all.
Tolle said that he highly recommended surrendering to the present moment, suicidal feelings and all. Don't demand that the moment be any different than the previous moment, he said. It is what it is. Complete acceptance of the moment the way it is, is dying before you die, in effect. The man-made self, the ego dies in such surrender. Try it, he said. See for yourself. You will find peace, a peace that passes all understanding. Which means you've died. The ego has dissolved.
Max recalled, then, that the dissolution of the ego was the launching point for all higher levels of spiritual consciousness. What could be wrong with that? He felt better already.
No longer teaching, Max felt a vacuum in his life too. An abyss was a better word for it, something he was now dropping into in a free fall. What bothered him most about it was what was greasing the chute. It was his knowing that he had accomplished far, far more in his life than he ever believed possible, that he had an education to be envied, had all the possessions he ever wanted, had plenty of friends, had lots of romance, had all kinds of adventures all around the world; there was nothing more he could think of that he wanted to do or have. He didn't need to live any longer.
Writing a book, taking up a hobby, doing volunteer work, all these were a possibility at this point, he supposed, except that he had done them all already. There was always watching television for the rest of his life, like his parents did, but what good was this?
"Death is next for me, and the sooner the better," he waved all of a sudden. Was this his neighbor's feeling, too?
But then the question occurred to him, who exactly was it that was ready to die? Was it his egoic self perhaps? Certainly it was. And this entity, recalling his studies of eastern philosophy, was an illusion, a phantom. Was he going to pack it all in for this smoke and mirrors?
It was then that the words of spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle came to mind. Tolle was responding to a person wanting to commit suicide. Max felt like committing suicide too, if not by blowing his brains out, at least by crawling into a corner and sleeping an end to it all.
Tolle said that he highly recommended surrendering to the present moment, suicidal feelings and all. Don't demand that the moment be any different than the previous moment, he said. It is what it is. Complete acceptance of the moment the way it is, is dying before you die, in effect. The man-made self, the ego dies in such surrender. Try it, he said. See for yourself. You will find peace, a peace that passes all understanding. Which means you've died. The ego has dissolved.
Max recalled, then, that the dissolution of the ego was the launching point for all higher levels of spiritual consciousness. What could be wrong with that? He felt better already.
posted by Donald L. Simons at
5:33 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home