When
he was in Sixth Grade he wanted to be a minister, just like his favorite pastor
at the local church. He wanted a God job
like Rev. Nielsen had. By the time he
was an adult, though, it was clear to him that while his heart was in the right
place, his head was not. There were forces
pulling him in other directions than the ministry, not an uncommon story.
The
biggest force drawing him in other directions was what turned out to be his
nature. He found that he was
introverted, introspective, interior, shy even, not what ministers needed to
be. Ministers had a congregation to
serve and they could not do so if they were in a shell like him.
He
decided that an Eastern religion was better suited to him, one that emphasized meditation. The place to begin, it seemed to him, was yoga,
hatha or physical yoga, and raja or mental yoga. Especially raja yoga appealed to him as it
was mystical.
Thus,
he practiced yoga for a year, after which he took a World Religions class,
studying Taoism, Jainism, Vedantism, Shintoism, and Buddhism, thinking that this
would intensify what by now he was feeling.
Alas, though, it did not. It was
all interesting, intellectually, but it was not what he was after, really. Again he turned his attention inward.
What
he was feeling, he concluded, was the rise of the Atman in him, to borrow the
Vedanta model. The Atman in him was
being drawn to its source the Brahman, on a quest that would only end with the
Atman’s awakening. Enabling this
awakening, not resisting it in other words, was what he now needed to do. This would be his God job from here on.
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